Surviving a Four-Way Meeting

Four-way meetings are an essential component of a successful collaborative divorce, though many couples dread it more than facing the judge. After all, four-way meetings require both parties to talk about personal issues. For someone who has faced threats, harassment, or violence from the opposing side, the meeting can be downright scary.

To help you survive a four-way meeting, here’s what you need to do.

Prepare

Communicate with your attorney prior to the meeting. This will give him time to provide clarification, validation, and even protection if necessary. Doing so will also help you develop an agenda to ensure your time is being used effectively and your goals and concerns are being addressed.

Be direct

Only say or do things that will move your case forward. Avoid handing out criticisms, accusations, and insults. It might feel good to do so, but these can undo a lot of hard work and even undermine your case.

Be respectful

Try to remember that divorce is difficult for everyone involved. Be mindful of the differences between you and your spouse, but maintain respect at all times.

Debrief

It’s critical to have a discussion with your attorney again once the meeting is over. This will help you process what worked well and didn’t work. A debriefing will also help you identify if your goals for that meeting were achieved and how to approach the next scheduled meeting.